I can't study. I honestly just don't care anymore. Wait, I shouldn't say that. I DO care but just in a different way now I guess. I think I've stressed so much my entire life, not just this year, that I've just stopped stressing and worrying. I don't really give a damn about the end result. Fine, maybe I won't get into medical school. I might not be able to get a good job in the future if I don't study hard now. Whatever. I don't care. Things will eventually work out in the end. It always does. So I'm just going to take it easy.

I mean, worst comes to worst, I work at minimum wage at some fast food restaurant. I WON'T become a hobo. I should stop saying that. Everyone's always like, "You're so going to be a hobo if you don't graduate university." No, I won't, you stupid fags. Stop saying that!!!

I can't always win. And even though it feels like I'm losing to no end right now, I'm sure there's something extraordinary out there waiting for me.
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I knew from the beginning you're one of those fake friends who pretend to be nice to me but deep down only want to see me fall apart. You never give me advice you would give yourself. You hate seeing me rise to the occasion and succeed. I don't know why you call yourself my friend. I gave you so many chances in hopes that you would change and be a better person to me. Be a better influence. Even though you disappointed me time after time, I forgave you. I'm renown for holding onto my grudges but for you, I let them go. Every time I turn to you for help, I really wanted to hear you tell me to keep going and to never give up. I wanted you to tell me to hold on and fight the battle until it was over. I wanted to know that you believed in me and that you'd be at the finish line waiting for me.

So I'm sorry. I can't always be there for you anymore if you're never there for me. I don't regret being your friend. Because even though it was fake, you did make me laugh. You cheered me up when I failed. But most of all, you made me see what I couldn't see before.