You know what my problem is, it's that I never sustain and invest enough time into something to actually see results.

I'm spontaneous. I jump right into something and seconds later, before you know it, I jump right back out. And in the end... what happens? Well, absolutely nothing. I've accomplished nothing at all and it's like I haven't even moved a step on the chessboard.

My horoscope says that I should finish what I start, and well, for the little things, I do. Like my assignments and chores... I get them done. I DO finish what I start. However, in the BIG scheme of things, I hardly get ANYWHERE.

I'm surprised I actually got through IB without dropping out. Thing is though, I only stayed in it because I couldn't even FATHOM giving up my friends and moving to another school. That's the thing, I can't do something for myself. LOL. I don't care enough about myself to do something for myself. I need friends and family. I finished piano lessons because my parents basically forced me to, not because I want to. I finished lifeguarding and all that, because I wanted to share a job with my friends.

Again, none of this is for me.

What DO I want to do with myself? Sleep, sing, dance, swim, eat... become the pig that I am. That's me in my most natural state. I don't strive for something if I don't need it. But you know what I think I've always strived for in life, it's the feeling to be wanted. I think everyone wants this, it's not just me. But yeah, I've always wanted to feel "wanted". I want to feel "appreciated" for the things I do. Maybe that's why I've always wanted to become a doctor. When I tell people that I want to become a doctor, or maybe an entrepreneur, or a singer/dancer, they respond with, "Yo, those have nothing in common. What the hell are your interests?"

I think my interest is to feel wanted and important. I'm not sure what I want to do in my life, but I want to be important. I don't need to be famous. Just important. Although, I'm sure those two come hand-in-hand, but I don't necessarily need to be famous, just important.

So what exactly is this blog about? I'm not sure. I just needed a way to end this blog.

I started blogging in grade 9-ish because I didn't have many friends since I moved to a high school without my elementary friends. So you could say, I was a damn loner and I blogged to express my feelings. Then when I made new friends, I blogged and they would read to know more about me. And now, I'm in university, and everyone is just so busy anyways. There really isn't a point to this blog anymore. I figured that I'm just blogging for myself. But like I said, I can't do anything for myself.

So now. I'm just going to close this blog. It's been fun while it lasted, with all the crazy layout changes and stuff. But now I need to move onto a more professional blog. Again, I'm not too sure how long that's going to last. But yeah... so I say my goodbyes now.

Thanks for reading my entries =) They were definitely written for you. I will archive this with my other blog...

LOTS OF LOVE,
Steph <3